The visions became frequent and not just while I was lucid dreaming. I would be wide-awake, driving down the 405 and I’d see Spirits hanging out; along side of a restaurant patio, inside passenger’s cars and the occasional diva relaxing at the beach. One time, I passed a pedestrian who looked to be taking a nap on the sidewalk in Redondo Beach. As I approached him, I could see he was in fact deceased but his spirit body was still lingering. The person’s spirit is different than the soul. Your soul is taken, instantly upon death. But that is a different topic, for another series. I was able to see what the cause of death was and whom he left behind. These situations, what I call Visits from Casper, were becoming all too common in my daily life.
By emptying the mind, we create the inner space where we can become aware of the presence of our higher self and of God. He is always within us but our mind, our ego; our emotions keep a veil between us. The more I shed the complicated layers of my ego self, through meditation and mindfulness, the stronger my clairvoyance became. Sometimes, it was even uncontrollable. I would meet someone and, in seconds, I could see what was happening with them internally. I didn’t understand this at the time but part of my clairvoyance is tuned into people’s health (physical, mental, and spiritual). But again, this is something that requires more expansion at a later time.
I needed training with my newfound gift and I wanted to keep my training within Islam. Unfortunately, I could not find an Islamic mentor in Southern California until five years later when I moved back from San Francisco. Although, I was able to find a supportive community in Los Angeles compiled of Wiccan and Native Americans who guided me throughout the beginning of my journey. During the duration of the first few years attending drum circles, sun dances, sweat lodges, gong meditation, sound baths, and epic séances – I still felt a void. I felt like I abandoned my Islamic and Egyptian roots. I continued to observe the Islamic prayers, along with the tenants of faith and I even felt more connected in prayer since I was involved in various meditative practices. I could feel that I was within reach to finding my spiritual home.
One night, after I had finished a drum circle with the group I was with we held a space to pray for those in need. Drum circle is a Native American ritual and trance induction. The rhythm of the drum is the chord between this world and the next. The energy circulated connects all participants to the same source with the purpose of elevating your consciousness.
I needed training with my newfound gift and I wanted to keep my training within Islam.
This particular evening was extra special as it was also a full moon. As part of the prayer circle, we were invited to write down a request and include it in the box at the center of our circle.
Before we began, I took my seat next to a lady with hollow amber eyes and chestnut colored hair. Within seconds, I could feel her internal turmoil. Everyone, no matter who you are, emits a different vibration of energy. This is why being around certain people can make you feel drained, exhilarated, happy, or stimulated. At that particular moment I was having a difficult time being around this woman’s energy. I didn’t even know her name or who she was so I couldn’t just lean over and say, “Hey do you mind chilling out? You’re giving me heart palpitations.” Instead, I tried to create an energetic shield between us, a cool trick I had learned a few months ago. Part of me wanted to be of some help to this woman as I was feeling an immense amount of empathy towards her. But I also had a bit of a selfish agenda as her energy was causing me to get increasingly fatigued.
I thought I could shift her energy through my own energy source and suppress as much emotional pain as possible in order to give her some relief. Since we have the ability to adapt to our own vibrations, I thought taking on her vibration was no big deal. Mind you, I had never made an attempt at facilitating a healing on someone much less someone who did not ask. I definitely broke the first two rules of being a sane and ethical healer. It’s just about as bad as breaking the first two rules of Fight Club… which I just did right now (#DontTalkAboutFightClub).
Once I connected to her energetic body I felt it was if her energy melted into me. My head didn’t spin a full 360 and I didn’t start levitating off the ground but I did become somewhat immobile for a few seconds and I had this laser focus. I turned to this woman and read what was going on in her life which caused her to become an energy vampire – the kind of person whose mere presence is draining.
When I finished and disconnected from her, I felt as if energy was being pulled out of me like the way a hungry child pulls apart string cheese. I retreated backwards in my chair and upon witnessing the intense stares from others who had witnessed my weird astral trip, I was too embarrassed to even speak. I knew what I did was wrong and I did not know how to begin to apologize for literally, invading her space. Thankfully, she hugged me tightly while thanking me, profusely. Her tears were actually from joy. Afterwards, the Shaman scolded me for not taking the proper steps in the process of facilitating a healing. Not only did I do wrong by not asking for permission but I allowed the source to consume me rather than channeling through my own source.
But I have to be honest, I felt like a total badass that night. My ego kicked in and allowed me to bask in this feeling of happiness and pride that I got from helping someone find peace. These experiences were intoxicating for me. They gave me the contingency to dig deep into the unconscious and astral realm, to help people.
But as with all things when there is good, bad is not far along. This became excruciatingly draining for me. Often times I would be so exhausted, I would be bedridden for days. Without a doubt, experimenting with spirituality out of ignorance and selfishness is gravely dangerous. I learned this the hard way, when I moved to the San Francisco and joined another spiritual group. During my year in the Bay Area, I observed the dark side of spiritualists abusing their power and the will of others, for their gain.
After this experience as I continued to evolve, I still had a feeling that I harbored a spiritual burden, without being able to fill it. People in the same devotional circle were undergoing monumental shifts on both the physical and metaphysical level. While I felt like I was as well, it wasn’t at the same degree. They all appeared, free. I still felt conflicted between by religion and mysticism. I opened the door within my heart, for God, and it has never been the same.
Through a procession of breakdowns, catastrophes and near death experiences, stay tuned for next week when we delve into the world of, “Spiritualists gone wrong.”