I have been battling, for the past week, on how I should start this blog. I am a clairvoyant Psychic Medium and my spiritual training has led me down various paths. I have been torn between how much to share regarding my spirituality.
Years before I worked with my clairvoyant gifts, I taught Sunday school at my local mosque. I led a weekly halaqa for teenage girls in my community and I even wore hijab. This was a brief stint as I was being harassed – post 9/11 backlash – and my life was in danger. Out of fear for my safety, or what others may perceive as, weak faith, I de-veiled. While that decision brought upon an immense wave of guilt that took me years to heal, I am grateful, because it was the foundation for my spiritual journey.
I always believed I was religious but I never felt spiritual, or spiritually connected to God. I still adhere to the basic tenants of my religion as I do not drink, I am abstinent, I pray, and I try to emulate the teachings of my Prophet (PBUH) to the best of my ability. However, I had to go outside the realm of Islamic culture to find my spirituality. I never left my religion; I left the culture that was imposed on the authentic teachings of my religion, in order to understand spirituality.
My religious teachers taught God’s word out of fear-based rhetoric. There was no tolerance for inquisition. No tolerance for curiosity. Subsequently, no room for error. If you needed to repent, it was done so out of obedience and the understanding that receiving God’s forgiveness, was not guaranteed.
One religious teacher told me, a child’s disability is a result of a disobedient parent. Let that sink in. The message that teacher preached was that, if you were “disobedient” God would punish you via your child. Not only is this irrefutably idiotic, but also damaging to the psyche of the teenager. At an age when an individual is vulnerable for acceptance and highly impressionable, the effects of dumping fear based discourse, is devastating.
This teacher’s philosophy on Islamic forgiveness was not only ignorant but also gravely incorrect. The Quran dedicates an entire chapter on forgiveness, along with numerous mentions throughout, of ‘His forgiveness’. In fact, every single chapter opens with, “God is Most Merciful and Most Gracious”; synonyms for forgiveness.
I began to stop thinking of God as Allah and started thinking of Him as the Lord of the Worlds. This was when my perception shifted and I started unlearning what I had learned. True, Allah is the Arabic word for God. Unfortunately, the image of Allah that was imbedded in me did not mirror His 99 attributes. I feared God. I did not know how to love Him.
God is one. God is the infinite source. The God origin is always here, available to you. You do not have to be Muslim or ascribe to an Abrahamic faith to call upon God. The key that opens the door to finding God lies within the vulnerability energy of your soul. The way to tap into this energy is to surrender to the light that ignites the spirituality within you. God wants you to be empowered, to evolve within your own anagogic realm. That is why we pray. We do not pray for Him. He does not need our prayer. We pray for ourselves. Prayer opens up our heart and shifts our vibration to align with His Universe. For some, prayer is in the form of Yoga. For others, it’s lighting a candle and meditating. Or it entails praying the Islamic salah five times a day. Sometimes I believe shopping is my form of prayer, because of the intense feeling of gratification I get (just kidding).
How do you get to this point? Start with harboring a deep willingness to meet with God, directly. Have radical honesty with yourself; strip your ego and become fearlessly honest with yourself. Accept your darkness, but don’t stay there, and accept your light. You cannot have light without dark. This level of extreme raw emotion is what gives birth to the profound spiritual awakening. You do not need a hit of acid to activate this odyssey. By surrendering to the will of God, you stepped into the portal of His kingdom, which resides inward.
Personally, it took a wound that caused me pain to open up to my connection with God. I carried an exuberant amount of unsettled anger that wasn’t resolved and manifested into a physical alignment. In the healing world, we believe if our oppressed emotions go unacknowledged, it presents itself into a sickness. I found healing in both my physical and emotional pain, because it forced me to surrender to God’s will and trust in Him. Undeniably, this paved my spiritual bridge to Him.
Why does God test us? So we can delve deeper into our spiritual nature and evolve above our current level. If you’re feeling stuck, lost, depressed, confused or like me years ago and full of unknown anger, it’s your time to spark your awakening. On this road of discovery, you will attain inner peace, you will manifest prosperity, love, good health, etc. Because you will be tapped into the God source of His Universe to vibrate with these synchronies.
In love and light,