Hard Truth Tuesday is where readers submit questions or seek advice from our MissMuslim relationship blogger – Faiza Rammuny. To submit your questions – email Faiza at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I’m in the darkest abyss! I’m 22 years old, educated, healthy, pretty and well known for my politeness. I’m a Muslim girl from Saudi Arabia and I’m having the worst experience in a relationship.
Online, 2011, I met him on a website. I was grade 11 he was too. I was 17 and he was 16 I didn’t know that until 5 years later that he’s younger than me. He’s very tall, handsome and studying medicine.
He gave me hell throughout this whole relationship, he talked to a lot of girls , gets drunk all the time (he’s a Muslim) and goes to clubs and stuff when he’s abroad. Sometimes he even gets drunk here! Which bothers me the most, I don’t like this lifestyle! So we were on and off every year I tend to like other guys I mean I wanna be with someone better! He turns tables all the time!!!! And I hate his temper.
So I found a photo of him in a club holding a girls head and I showed it to him, he turned tables.
Now in Ramadan he’s running behind me to force me to get back to him telling me romantic stuff and how much he loves me and by default he gets back which I told him 917382 times that I AM NO READY TO GO THRU THIS AGAIN. Still, he doesn’t understand.
Faiza, I’m sick of being a girlfriend I want to get married and there’s a possible chance with someone else that I like and he’s older and I hope we fall in love.
Faiza, I can’t love my ex like before I mean yesterday when we talked I was weak for an hour but when I woke up I was like wth did I just do?!!!!!!!
I don’t want to break him and I don’t want to be or look like the bad guy although I told him I’m not ready but he thinks we’re back!
I know this is complicated but please help me!
Dear Torn and Confused,
Ugh… love is crazy. Sometimes it’s clear as day and night, other days you’re dealing with 100 shades of grey. I hate grey. From what you’ve shared, it sounds as if you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Your ex does not have the right to pop in and out of your life as he pleases. He is not a Pop-Tart. None of this is love. Know this right now, because you seem to be making the same mistake many women, including myself, have made in past relationships where you confuse control for love. This is NOT love!
Now, here’s the Hard Truth. You need to be in control of your own love life and not let your ex control you with his temper or his false niceties. And you need to do this not now but RIGHT NOW. Not tomorrow, not next month, RIGHT THIS SECOND.
If you haven’t done it by the time you’ve reached this sentence then you’re waiting too long. Do it.
I’m being this extreme because the sooner you cut that chord, the better chance you’re going to have at finding a healthy relationship with someone that appreciates you. This guy? He isn’t in love with you he’s in love with his ability to control you. He will tell you anything you want to hear just to convince you to hang around a little longer while he continues to be a deuchebag. You don’t deserve that!
If you’re interested in someone else, take time to cultivate that interest before attempting a new relationship. Give yourself some space. Decide on what it is that you truly and deeply want and pursue it without abandon and without fear. Maybe it’s this new guy, maybe it’s not. Don’t settle because you’re in a rush to get married. The right man will come when Allah decides he will come, not when you decide you’re tired of waiting.
Patience is key when it comes to love and our search for it. Have faith no matter what, that love is coming to you and it WILL! I believe that every single day.
Continue to believe in love. Never give up your search. And always remember to stay FABULOUS!