You can take the girl out of Ohio but you can’t take Ohio out of the girl.
The Ohioan in me is in full blast around the holiday season, my favorite time of year. Winter, which in California terms means below 70-degree weather, didn’t reach Southern California until mid-November but starting in September, I was in my holiday mode; plaid flannel’s, UGG boots and giving my bank account a heart attack with the holiday deals.
Don’t judge me.
With the festivities of this joyous season in full bloom, I’ve noticed an unexpected trend in my clients. They aren’t happy. They aren’t feeling fulfilled. Even my clients whom have celebrated significant milestones this year, from a promotion at work to a new marriage, have expressed their sadness. There’s a void missing and they can’t seem to grasp what it is. As a spiritualist, my first reaction is to have them evaluate their spirituality.
How is their mindfulness practice?
Do they need to fine-tune their connection to the Source?
Is their current practice no longer serving them?
When I delved into their issues, I realized everybody suffered from the same persona – feeling unworthy.
One client, we’ll call her Bashful Bella, expressed her sorrow that she’s in her early 30’s and unmarried. During the call, we discovered she had been holding onto this preconceived notion that her worth was tied to her marital status. Since she was a teenager, her aunt had dismissed her desire of becoming an aspiring physician and told her, “Nobody is going to care how smart you are, just focus on getting married.”
That comment, while it may not have resonated with a then young Bella, had imprinted on her all these years to tie her worth to marriage.
Unworthiness occurs when you try to measure up to unrealistic expectations, whether imposed by society, culture or family. When you are operating from a place of unworthiness, you are disengaging your power center where your self-esteem is housed. Unworthiness breeds fear, guilt and shame. Feeling isolated, alone, disconnected from people, yourself and from Him are common consequences of unprocessed unworthiness.
You are a Divine child from God. You are worthy. How can you even question that?
Something I had to re-learn last year was the concept of Divine timing and lessons. You have no idea how crucial timing is until you meet someone who is perfect for you but you can’t be together because of external forces, which are out of your control. That small window of bliss showed me I was caught up in the moment of what “perfect” felt like as I associated my worth to the relationship. Therefore, when the relationship unexpectedly plummeted at the speed of lightening, the bolt burned a hole into my soul because I placed the value of my worth on another human.
I am a Divine child of God. I am worthy.
I even dabbled in a space where I sought one last conversation after the other for closure – which he stubbornly refused because he belongs to one of the most stubborn zodiac signs – thanks but no thanks, Universe. Looking back on it now, I am so embarrassed for my old self! The concept of closure is a joke. I didn’t need closure. I got it when he chose to leave the relationship. I kept dancing with the devil and wondered why I was still in hell. Generally, I tend to operate from a place where I don’t need an apology from people. Because if you have wronged me, majority of the time, I gave you permission to. We are mirrors to each other. My energy and space are sacred. If you devalue that, you tarnish my worth. Period.
You are worthy.
Another client of mine, we’ll call her, Sappy Sophia, refuses to end her relationship with a boyfriend who consistently shows he isn’t a good match for her. From his emotional and verbal abuse, nothing about him honors her. Yet, she continually decides to stay in the relationship. I asked her the other day, “Why do you put up with this kind of relationship?”
She responded, “I don’t feel worthy of anything different.”
Sophia’s pain is so deep she can’t even use it as her saving grace. In order for her to be vulnerable, she has to bring herself out of the shame that’s stopping her from reclaiming her worth.
It’s easy to overlook when unworthiness plagues us. We may not notice if we indulge too much in Netflix marathons, engage a little too much in recreational activities, overspend or continue to feel sad even if we’re surrounded by loved ones. It’s easy to get caught up in the cycle of silencing the screams our souls are crying out in desperation. It takes courage to face our worth. It takes bravery to say, my worth is more than that.
Through minor setbacks and this roller-coaster called life, you have to reach a state of pure happiness. The kind of happiness in that you are content with being alone. All the happiness, worthiness and love you need to survive and thrive on is already within you. Whatever [karmic] chains are binding you, it’s up to you to break them in order to be free. Nobody will accept or understand you fully until you do, yourself.
Steps to facilitate a space for self-reflection:
1. Have raw, authentic vulnerability with yourself. I like to do this with my healer but during the times I can’t have a session, I go into meditation with the intent to see what I need to, in order to shift.
2. Believe and practice, I AM worthy.
3. Practice gratitude.
4. Amplify my self-love.
5. Give myself permission to be selfish with my time, space and energy.