Written by Kaylyn Couch
When we got pregnant the first time 5 years ago, I thought, “Well, that was easy.” We started off by not-trying-but-not-preventing as a dating couple. After we got engaged – we put an end to that and 26 days after our engagement we found out that we were expecting our first baby! One year of no protection and we got pregnant unexpectedly as soon as we stopped trying to prevent it.
When I gave birth to my first son I knew being a mom was my calling. Soon after he was here, I wanted another baby. I wasn’t one of those moms who felt I needed to wait a year or two before being ready again. I loved having my son and I was ready to give him a sibling to love and grow up with. My husband was another story, though. When our son was 8 months old I had finally convinced him to start trying for baby #2.
9 months into trying I figured since it took a little bit longer than the first time, I would see a doctor to talk about everything and find out their thoughts about us getting pregnant again. They wouldn’t do any testing until we hit a year because we were both only 23-years-old and healthy.
When I gave birth to my first son I knew being a mom was my calling.
So a year of trying came and went and we started the testing, the strict diet, ovulation tests, timed sex, making sure I wasn’t getting up right away. EVERYTHING. And then came the questions from everyone else. “When are you having another?” “Are you trying enough?” “You’re stressing too much about it. Just relax.” “Be happy you at least have one.” I was happy! Just because I wanted another baby didn’t mean I wasn’t happy with my life the way it was. I just wanted more.
About a year and a half into trying, and now we were getting the in depth testing done. We spent probably around $2,000 to $3,000 alone just on fertility tests only for them all to come back and tell us, “You’re both fine.” Which killed me. Why wasn’t this happening? What were we doing wrong then? Maybe I DO need to relax? Then we began taking fertility medications. We did 6 rounds of Clomid and 4 rounds of Femara. I was having great responses to the drugs and we just were so hopeful they were going to be just what we needed and still – I was not pregnant. We decided to start medicated IUI (intrauterine insemination). We would wait until I was about to ovulate, I’d take a $150 shot in the stomach and 36 hours later I would be inseminated with my husbands sperm. FAR from romantic and what I ever thought conceiving my child would be like, but we were willing to try anything. We did 4 of those and each time I was releasing 2 to 4 eggs but still again… no baby. And then the dreaded words came from my doctor, “There is nothing else I can do for you, you need to go to a reproductive endocrinologist.” No one ever talks about infertility problems after already having a baby – I had no idea it was possible to struggle with this after already giving birth to a healthy baby.
That visit was when I knew we were done trying. My husband never wanted to go this far. This was too much for him to handle emotionally and for us financially. He thought we should count our blessings that we had our son Benson and accept the fact that we could possibly never have another child. But I refused to accept it. My heart knew I wasn’t meant to only have one baby. He needs a sibling, siblings are the best. This was not the end in my mind.
Months passed and it took a toll on our marriage. I was angry and resentful. Why doesn’t he want this as badly as I do? One night I was so upset I ended up sobbing and telling him if we couldn’t come to some sort of agreement on what we can do for this then I think we should consider divorce. And that’s when we both decided we would look into IVF or adoption.
FAR from romantic and what I ever thought conceiving my child would be like, but we were willing to try anything.
After doing my research, IVF seemed to be the more affordable option. My conservative husband’s concerns were that we were going against God’s will. We weren’t doing what’s natural and we were pushing our luck. He was so scared all of these drugs would result in a sick child until we went to the appointment and the doctor explained the process to him. He finally felt comfortable in our decision to continue with IVF. He said he would have regretted it, too, if we didn’t at least try.
So then began the whirlwind of IVF treatments. Appointment after appointment, test after test, getting the money together to even afford this, taking out a loan. A lot goes into IVF that they don’t really prepare you for. It was all so stressful but it was also one of the most exciting times in my life! I couldn’t wait to get my baby. During these new tests we found out that my husband’s sperm was unable to penetrate an egg more than 33% of the way. So, our first baby was a complete fluke. We now had to pay an additional fee for them to take a single sperm and fertilize each of my eggs manually. My husband was devastated but we were also extremely relieved to finally get some insight into what the problem was.
On May 4th of 2016 we began the IVF process. The shots and the drugs and the crazy emotions of what if this doesn’t work started to take a toll on my mind. All I could think of was, “This is so much money if it doesn’t work.” On May 21st 2016, we transferred two perfect little embryos, and froze 6 more. That day I had two perfect babies in my belly and 6 more on the rocks just in case. I wanted this more than anything in my life. Every night I laid in bed and put my hands on my belly and said, “Please don’t leave me, mommy needs you more than you’ll ever know.” And my son was so involved in this process he gave “his babies” kisses every single day!
May 25th 2016 at 4:00 AM, I woke up and took an at-home pregnancy test and it was positive. It was freaking positive! There were two perfect lines staring back at me on that little stick. I sobbed. I sat on the bathroom toilet and sobbed. They were the prettiest lines I had ever seen and my heart was so full. I finally saw a positive test. I had been dreaming of this day for 3.5 years. It was happening! I was going to get my baby FINALLY!
I had been dreaming of this day for 3.5 years.
It wasn’t until a couple weeks later we had a scare of bleeding and we thought we had miscarried. We went in to our doctor’s office and got an ultrasound and saw TWO perfect little hearts flickering. And that’s when I knew, we beat the odds. We beat secondary infertility.
Today – I now hold and snuggle and cuddle and tell my perfect little boys Colton John and Evan Michael every single day, just how much mommy loves them, and I thank them for not leaving me because they knew how much I needed them.