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How to Heal If Your Candidate Loses The Hillary Clinton Edition

While some believe it will be a cold day in hell when Hillary loses a presidential election for the second time, my mom always told me to prepare for the worst.

Should the apocalyptic moment arrive when Donald J. Trump is sworn in as the President of the United States, and it is in fact a reality and not a walking nightmare, here are my top five tips to getting through the devastation.

1. Enjoy a relaxing cry.

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When bad or stressful things happen, I like to run a hot bath, maybe pop in some bubbles, and either sit there and think or just cry.  Honestly, I cry more than I think. But at the end of the session, my muscles are relaxed, my skin is prune-y, and my tears have dissolved. Things seem better. Keep in mind, though, things won’t actually be better. It’s all an illusion. But at least you smell nice.

2. Buy a pantsuit

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What better way to feel that HRC has never really left you than to wrap yourself in her signature style? Get one in all the primary colors, make sure it’s slightly ill-fitting, go out there, and strut your stuff. But don’t strut for too long, after all, you’re living in Donald Trump’s America now and, in that America, people are allowed to grab pussy left and right without any warning. Meow. ?

3. Develop a drinking problem

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Alcohol makes you forget.

4. Move to Canada!

Justin Trudeau. The entire cast of Degrassi. Drake. Maple syrup. The French language. Healthcare. Do I need to say anymore? Here, let me help you get started. Keep in mind that Canadians are a famously friendly breed, so if you’re migrating from New York – be sure to leave the attitude at JFK. You want to fit in with your new countrymen. Also, while you’re on the plane, be sure to start learning the words to Oh, Canada.

5. Accept Nothing.

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Literally, do not accept this defeat. Go rioting in the streets. Protest somewhere. Protest everywhere. Don’t let a racist, misogynist, billionaire become the leader of the free world without making some sort of noise about it. Link up with your friends and create a human chain that will prevent this man from actually walking into the White House. Get organized and find a way out of this because I’ll be damned if as a Latina Muslim woman I get accidentally deported and then banned from re-entering the country. I refuse to continue writing awesome articles for this website from the mountains of Puerto Rico. I don’t even remember if my family’s hometown has Wi-Fi.

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