Hard Truth Tuesday is where readers submit questions or seek advice from our MissMuslim relationship blogger – Faiza Rammuny. To submit your questions – email Faiza at email@example.com.
I’m in a predicament. Ugh. Basically, I hate my husband’s mom. She has no respect for me or our relationship and always gives her opinion on what’s happening in our lives like she lives with us. I hate that she knows so much about us because of my husband. But he didn’t have a father, so him and his mom have always been really close. She’s the reason we fight every day. Even when she’s not around, my husband is delivering her messages. It’s taking a toll and I don’t know how much more I can take. It’s been four years of this. What do I need to do to change this situation?
I can’t begin to imagine the frustration you’re feeling right now. There’s nothing worse than having to deal with a monster in-law. Unless you’re Jane Fonda and JLo then it’s chock full of laughter and lessons learned. If my last relationship taught me anything, it’s that when it comes to another person’s family – especially mama – criticisms are an absolute ‘No, no.’ Neither his mother nor yours should be overly involved in your relationship. After all, your husband put a ring on it, not his mother. His mother may have given him life but at some point it’s time to cut that cord and lead a life of his own. On the same token, I know you want to have the best possible relationship with your in-laws because, after all, death do us part, applies to them as well. This, however, does not mean getting and implementing their two cents every day for every argument and every decision.
His mother may have given him life but at some point it’s time to cut that cord and lead a life of his own.
Now, here’s the hard truth: You need to have a sit-down – a completely diplomatic conversation – with the person who’s to blame for this entire situation: YOUR HUSBAND! He should NOT be running to his mother about every little thing in his marriage. It’s your husbands responsibilities to establish the boundaries between his marriage and his relationship with his mother and you’ve got to explain that in the most patient and understanding way possible. Right now, his mother is just doing her job: being protective of her son. Nothing wrong with that. But there are limits to everything. If your husband stops feeding her information, she’ll have a lot less to stop pestering you about and can return to her other job of requesting an obscene amount of grandchildren. Eventually, you too will become an over protective mother and your mother-in-law’s behavior won’t seem so off beat but until then, don’t let the hatred build up. Hate isn’t fabulous, communication is! Stay strong and continue being the FABULOUS wife that you have been, your husband will see the light once you guide him to it.